Just told the nurse I wouldn't get on the scale. Told her to write FAT.
Found my puke from September encrusted to the floor under the dresser while cleaning before move out ..... Oh Freshman year
he puked in his toast at dennys. after snoopdogg high fived him. couldn't be prouder to be his bro in law.
5 out of the 6 of them cut their hands while trying to shot gun the beer, I had never seen balls attached to such patheticness
Pretty sure God shed a tear when I put 15 singles in the collection plate.
She kept sniffing my sweater and tried to guess what type of detergent I use.
God and karma are having a fucking field day with my body today.
After your flask fell out of your leg brace and you told your RA that it was juice, you tried to unlock your dorm room but your key was attached to your bra so he ended up seeing your boobs
The guy at the ER said it was the first time he's given stitches for a funneling accident. Then he seemed upset that I took pride in that...
You're a five foot adderall and caffeine fueled ball of sexual frustration and suppressed rage. It's only a matter of time before you snap. We're taking bets on when.
Where can I buy a stripper pole at midnight on a Sunday?
We broke into the kitchen, stole cooking aprons, and wore them on the dance floor.
So who left their underwear on a lamppost in my aunt's backyard
I don't know where I'm at. But I'm pretty sure what I'm looking at is a small bear.
It's weird having sex with someone you actually like
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