why do my parents always seem to be having way more sex than i do?
I hate girls that dress up to come to planned parenthood. I just want to be like we are all in the same boat here, we know your slutty. Its OK.
He said that if more girls show up hes not going to ask ages... Spoken like a true sex offender
The National Anthem was on so I had to have a beer
Thank you for the breast cancer awareness themed circle of death. Had it been any other time I would not have played topless.
I'm worried I'm going to miss my flight so I set a series of alarms on my phone to act as checkpoints to make sure I'll be there. 2am-stop drinking; 4am-stop fucking stephanie, get some sleep; 5am-wake up, fuck stephanie once more; 6am-get to the airport
what's not responsible about a pool full of beer?
When we asked you how you got there you replied in all seriousness, "rode my legs"
Rainbow fish was a wild success, got wasted at 6 gave away most my scales and made out with max from where the wild things are.You'd be so proud
I am on top of a rooftop peeing on your freedom
I met a pornstar at his bachelor party and signed his shirt giving him wedding advice
you can't just say no to brian. he was bugging me to get me to drunk for 14 hours straight yesterday. HE DOESN'T GIVE UP
I gave him a blowjob to kill bill. 2 of my favorite things.
So congratulations, your penis has now sent me to urgent care not once, but twice!
i really love you but i feel kinda dumb about it
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