Did you ever notice that cashews look like fetuses?
There comes a time in every girls life when she must use her boobs for good instead of evil.
Your pregnant arnt you
I hope my sperm were as drunk as I was.
Our brains have an emergency blowjob override switch. You saw proof tonight.
My Saturday dick is so much more impressive than my Tuesday dick.
Um, you were throwing up the shocker symbol in front of all of the wedding guests during the best man's speech. No wonder the groom thinks we're bad
I just want to let you know how hung over I am today and I fucked a girl in a kangaroo costume last night.
Koalas always seemed like really high little puppy kittens to me.
Your anal douche was on bathroom counter. Now it's in dumpster. Not ok. I am mad. Very mad.
I wanted lighthearted conversation about ordering bulk condoms and anal lube but he's depressed and talking about god hating him, ugh
Nothing kills the mood like him going to slap my ass and he hits his balls at the same time
He literally just made me hold his dick while he peed cause he wanted to know if I could aim as good as him
The medical term is prolapsed anal walls if you want to look into it with dignity.
You kept licking me last night.... and said I tasted like jello. Next time, lay off the jello shots, okay?
My orgasm happened in two different decades
Randomize
