she tends to only attract lesbians and homeless men
Do you remember calling me a cuntasaurus rex last night?
I had something called a trashcan. Never again. I almost fucked chewbacca.
Well at least he is okay. If you call the fetal position in my living room floor "okay"...
My number one goal in life is to find out who can fill a keg with Popov
They're making him take his shirt off cause they think he's the bouncer. We're in his backyard.
I just made out with Ricky Ullman of Phil of the Future fame and I don't know what I'm doing anymore. Help.
I AM AT THE LOUNGE WHERE THEY FILMED THE LAP DANCE IN SHOWGIRLS....IT IS AMAZING
Note to self don't stop having sex during an earthquake! I call it a 6.1 orgasm!
I had the bathroom of girls sing you happy birthday while you puked. I couldn't stop laughing. They were all so supportive
oh my god you are days, if not hours away from a dick pic. This is the day the lord has made rejoice and be glad in it
I'm gonna watch porn and nap. I think I really have this Valentine's Day thing down
Maid of honor screwed up the joke so I just got to explain what a strap on is and why a married lady might want one to Grandma and my brother's wedding shower.
If he's dating my cousin now, do I have to erase the pictures of his dick off my phone? Ugh, morals.
Third time this week I've caught co workers dry humping. Quarantine really changes people's priorities.
Randomize
