Just gargled Fireball to get the fish taco taste out of my mouth. Almost as good as gum.
i wouldn't be half as slutty if there were better things to do.
when i'm not drinking i'm making facebook events about drinking
Before he took my jeans off all he said was "no hard feelings from middle school right?"
I just found glitter on my vibrator... whatever we're doing has to stop
dad just smoked me out. he's yelling at room service for not giving him cookies and milk with his towels...we're both too high to know if thats a legit complaint.
i just drank the rest of the vodka . Btw why did we put candy corn in it?
She's currently upstairs fucking her boyfriend while I am downstairs making them a sex playlist watching her boyfriend's Weiner dog and large Boxer try and mount each other. Marvin Gaye is playing. This is the ultimate third wheel fail.
Taking my infected piercing out in the parking lot of the food card place. This is one of those life defining moments that makes me sad.
He led me to his room and handed me the remote, he left to go take a shower and there is a group of guys across the hall just staring at me... Its like they know something i dont. Help me.
Sorrye. The bathtuv says hi. But theresno water in it. I've wanted too tell you for the longest, but nevr could
He follows more cats on Instagram then he does girls.. That's how you know your boyfriend is whipped.
Driving, getting head and talking to your boss on the phone is not a good combination. I nearly died
I'm doing my accounting homework with my vibrator. Guess whose numbers are balanced on the financial statement? This ladys!
Sorry didnt text you yesterday. had to put restraining order on my ex.
Randomize
