1:12am: That's just how i roll, and this dress she is wearing is dirty and needs to get pulled over her head.
I need to go to a fraternity... my boobs are telling me to.
over or under 1pm before my bracket is too blurry to read?
I want a meaningful relationship and i wont get one if i keep giving him blow jobs in my basement while watching family guy.
literally hosing herself off in my back yard with the hose. i offered her the shower but she refused. that drunk.
Your wedding's just one more day in my life I can't wear sweat pants.
2 more and I will have fucked 75 percent of my acting class. best. elective. ever.
You remember that guy i fucked in Ireland who stopped in the middle to talk about why he had 8 pillows on his bed? Yeah he's following me on twitter...
Ugh did we play golf last night and did you by chance hit my head with a club or a ball?
my roommate made out with a guy wearing a squirrel costume, equipped with a blow up tail. time to start harvesting nuts for the winter
He wanted me to blow him while he did curls and looked at himself in the mirror. Not sure if gay or ego maniac.
I'm stoned as hell watching the new Star Trek movie. My life is 110% better than it was an hour ago.
Is a swingers hotel appropriate for an anniversary?
I woke up with sticky red stuff all over my sheets, face, and chest. Apparently after I blacked out I thought eating ribs in bed was a good idea
Sorry I bailed on you yesterday. I was propositioned.
And you don't turn down margaritas and oral.
Randomize
