I use a guy for sex and get three minutes out of him. go figure
Gte hit a new low, I took a poopnap, passed out mid poop on the toilet.
I told him I was pregnant. Figured it would soften the blow of telling him I had herpes.
Did it?
Not as such, no.
If I die tonight, I want you to know that your sister is awesome in bed
I was really disturbed by what initially appeared to be a dismembered head sitting beside you. Then I realized you were laying on her body.
He pulled a potato out of his bag in the library. A WHOLE FRIGGIN POTATO. He ate it like it was an apple and waved at the librarian as she stared at him.
on the subway to an interview & there's a dude doing whippits out of a cheese wil can
it went ok. then he slept in a parking lot and took me out for a picnic the next day. boys are confusing.
I need to pack up my vagina and leave. We only do bad things together.
You were dancing with a coffee pot of rum in one hand and a joint in the other. So that should explain everything.
I HAVEN'T FUCKED ANYONE IN FOREVER AND A HALF I DON'T DESERVE TO BE A TRASHY BLONDE
Oh were you the stripper at that club last Sunday when i was trippin on acid wearing a giraffe outfit?
Sex and sushi don't even sound good right now... I might be on my death bed. To my Liz, I leave my extensive movie collection and my drinking supplies. To Olive I leave my car. Cause every Scottish terrier needs a 2010 Camaro.
DON'T PUKE iN THE PRINGLES CAN, WHATEVER YOU DO!
Next time we do shrooms i am finding an open field at sunrise and running through it and nobody is stopping me this time!
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