I took off my bra and money fell out...how crazy was I tonight?
Man, ugly runs in her family
yeah, big time
Do you think "I had sex with my co-worker last night I don't think I can come in today" is a good excuse?
Ok im wearing a joe flacco jersey and full stick on unibrow and hardly anyone else dressed up omg
Omg suz!! take the unibrow off
No! im just getting hammered instead
we just decided that lesbian tuesdays are a must, as of tomorrow.
LETS GO REDSKINS!
Quit drinking and watching your DVR, it's wednesday.
Moms kinda upset I threw up in grandmas bedroom. I think ill stay in tonight.
The bartender just told me he would have me face down in his pillow by the end of the night. I hate when you make me go to gay clubs.
I just finished deleting miscellaneous contacts from my phone ... time for a HIV test!
Dude you ate toast sprawled out on my kitchen floor and said "this is comfy". No more day drinking.
My mom is wine drunk and on painkillers. As invigorating as that conversation was, it was also a dark glimpse into my future
I want to have sex with Will Smith. I guess I have a thing with 90s sitcom stars. Stamos, Joey Lawrence, John Goodman.
Just called the boss a "cunt baguette". To her face. This is why I can't drink with people from work. Know of anywhere that's hiring?
Drunk you needs to learn how to call sober me, so sober me can talk your drunk vagina down.
Wanna see if we can get cut off at bdubs again? The same hipster manager that is younger than us is working again
Randomize
