i just realized Britney Spears and I are more alike than I thought. Both of us have our parents in complete control of our lives, we both have restraining orders on previous boyfriends, and we all know both of us can put on a hell of a show
if he's not good at sex i should be allowed to have sex with someone who is. that's a totally legit statement i think
I'm good, just tired from chardonnay and giving hand jobs.
We just built a bong out of a pineapple. I am never leaving hawaii. Ever.
my breakfast just consisted of gushers (made with real fruit!) and they're trying to tell me im not eating right?
My passouts and memory loss are great training for when I have alzheimers. You'll know where to look when I get lost.
Nothing like a Mormon bachlorette party to make you feel slutty
don't ever tell me how terrible your next walk of shame is until you run into your little brother on his way to class.
I have bruises on my ass from her spurs. God bless Texas.
This isnt meant to be as creepy as it sounds, but do you seriously want a lock of the hair I cut off?
Its only 9:11 and I just somersaulted through a window. Its gonna be a good night
What are your plans?
Get picked up. Convince you to leave work. Smoke. Drink. Fly helicopters.
Man I can't wait till Thursday if strippers and beer are what you consider "research"
I literally just want someone to fuck me and buy me cheeseburgers. I don't even want a relationship at this point. Just a chew toy and some food.
So when did "Are you okay?" translate into "Don't tell me you got fucked by another rando after another rager"?
Randomize
