party started at 10. cops are coming to shut us down now and its 11. i already lostmy underwear and im wearing a sparkly thong on my haed. this has to be some kinda record.
i feel so shallow. people in iran are using twitter to write hardcore nathan hale shit about dying for freedom. my last tweet was "i hate the taco shits"
He screamed "Oh boy! Oh boy!" during climax.
I think the puke all over the side of my car actually improves its appearance.
So apparently I shook her hand very polite, said weiner and walked away
It's like I paid NJ Transit $33 to suck his dick and go home. Fuck that.
We got to the party at eleven, and the host was already in the hospital from being stabbed. And she brought the stabber home with us when we left.
I got woken up by a construction worker, turns out I was laying in a hallway, naked and wrapped in a matress pad. To answer your question no, I did not study for this test I got David Hasselhoff drunk
Promise me you will not let me do anything sexual with or to a mini horse no matter how drunk we get. Ever.
I want to fling myself into the sun
He came on my face and he was genuinely concerned about getting it in my hair. I'm marrying him.
Why is there cereal literally EVERYWHERE?
It didn't follow directions.
You sealing the pinky promise with a shot was much better than just kissing it
I got fucked in a bat mobile this morning. Being slutty rules.
I was so high I kept trying to flush the toilet with the light switch
Randomize
