dude i just heard a girl tell another girl 'what part of im trying to get laid tonight dont u understand?'
needless to say i wont be back home tonight
The karaoke bar doesnt have electric avenue. Ill just have to pick another song and sing the lyrics to electric avenue
i just looked at the calendar to see when spring break is and literally stopped eating
And then she was like, "don't do anything. No blow jobs, don't let him stick his fingers in weird places because people have germs."
oh no, don't get me wrong.. she IS really pretty. If you are in to horses or Sarah Jessica Parker.
well, the drug dealer I've been fucking the past 5 months gave me a chilis gift card for Christmas, so things are looking up.
I'm so hungover I literally am considering drinking from the fishtank to avoid getting out of bed.
Besides. I seriously had a dream that George W Bush came over and slapped some tabs down on my kitchen counter and said "let's get juiced.". It was a sign to not get too fucked up
Fucking someone because they own a lava lamp is like fucking someone because they have 20 dollars and no concern for their house burning down.
Why did I puke in my shower caddy last night
There's no way you didn't at least start out with a dick. I obviously know there isn't one now, but there is no way that you were born a girl
When I go out tonight I need to make sure to be really good. The Easter bunny doesn't deliver to jail
Yeah we invited her back for chicken nugget sandwiches
I offered to trade my cat for a bottle of tequila as long as it had a handle on it and realized I had a problem
You kept running around yelling "I need my pajamas" & then you got naked. Shit just went downhill from there.
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