Martha Stewart would most definitely roll a great joint.
I cut you off after you tried to do a shot out of a neti pot, down your nose.
explains the nose bleeds.
Currently standing on top of my parents leather couch with no pants on playing helicoptor with my penis. You?
we need a dd. For wednesday. At lunch. What are we doing with our lives?
succeeding
his mom found me in the closet hiding and the only thing i could think of was to sit there and wave.
A man in denim coveralls just shotgunned a beer on the dance floor
So, I was thinking... Since this restraining order doesn't go into affect until monday, that leaves us 5 days to wreck his world.
What kind of gift says: "I love you because you're my mom & I'm obligated to, but I don't like you" ?
Someday, but I will be heavily drugged and there will be no dolphins.
I offered to lick your vagina while wearing a suit... Pretty sure chivalry is well alive.
we need to make pact to not cut each other's hair on coke and whiskey nights.
While I agree, I dont think thats realistically possible
The groom's brother was an accomplishment. Then I remembered he was also the officiant. Check and check.
I just want to bone him one last time before he moves across the country with his new (average looking) girl friend.
I think I got into an argument with my cat's former owner about what a BDSM relationship entails.
Pro: 2020 made it easier to hook up with strippers
Con: explaining to Kari why there’s always strippers at our house
Pro: there’s always strippers at our house
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