I'm torn. Shes everything I ever wanted, but I just cant get past the story about having drunken sex with her dog in high school.
You tied the party balloons to your nipple ring so that everyone would know you partied.
He passed out on the floor and you kept hitting him in the dick and screaming "hammer of justice".
Okay, good. And if you have one of those portable strip poles that would be nice too.
Bouncy castle Catalina wine-mixer race for the cure. It will be as fun as it sounds
my six pack is really starting to show since I started fucking everything that moves
I'm a little upset you wasted 3 beers on your wet tee shirt contest.
The money is just too good to quit doing it. I'm using the same justification strippers use.
I feel like I shouldn't have to explain to you why giving your cat weed was a bad idea.
I hate it when the guy who runs the chicken and waffles truck is convinced that I run a cult.
that is the opposite of a normal text message.
Bro, I just googled 36 year old pussy so when I do see it I won't be shocked.
This question may sound intrusive, but how did pushing out a baby affect your vagina?
Can you send me the pic of me puking with a quesadilla on my shoulder
Oh and he asked if I would occasionally still blow him if we had children. It was so romantic.
Is it acceptable to bring pot to a funeral or am I going to have to do this shit sober?
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