I'm like a new puppy, everybody wants to touch me
Why did that cocktail waitress get to sleep with Tiger for 2 years, and all I ever got for living in Whorelando for five years is a couple of pictures with Joey Fatone
He spent the whole night convincing me I wasn't fat, but after we had sex he said "Oh, I see what you mean"
just got double teamed by two guys I will be on beach patrol with this summer. six months until the season starts and I'm already 'that girl.'
Which is worse rug burn on your nipples or laying there after wondering how long you have to cuddle before you can sneak away?
Please stop leaving drunk voicemails with your new black/Irish accent.
A valiant attempt to obtain a backhoe was made
He never gives up. He's like the fucking little engine that could of hook ups
This is the only time in your life where finding a half eaten lime and pair of florescent pink underwear that wasn't yours means that it was a good night
Just found out that guy A from the threesome I had is now dating guy B's younger sister
sex on the stairs. not our finest idea.
I'm sorry I came to your house drunk and fed pizza to your dog.
Ummm so I'm at the hospital and just heard some guy get tazed......twice.
And it was in that moment when I realized that these high schoolers looked up to me and that I should set a good example. So I stole a casserole and left.
She climbed in my window blew me and left. She's in my phone as the blow job fairy
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