the star wars geek is hitting on me, and is talking about his lightsaber. need back up NOW
he was persistant. I supposedly owe him a bj from high school.
He said "I wish they sold 40's in bars".. and a business plan came to mind. Maybe I CAN do something with my degree...
I told her we could be friends and she said the last time i told her that we had sex behind a bar at 4am
BTW send me your address and size of condoms you wish your lover was-- "if you build it, they will come"
I feel that my cleavage set an unattainably high bar for 2013.
What?! Why else would they put table cloths on a table if not for discreet oral sex? That's why they were invented! Read a book...
hey if you're going to the hospital do you wanna pick me up a taco on your way back
Well we had to pull over on a side street in town so I could throw up while moms were driving by with car loads of kids, I feel like I just performed a lil silent AA film for the childrens
Is she okay?
She may want to issue revenge punches, but medically fine.
You were a hurricane of blowjobs and glitter makeup. You came out of the closet and took the house down with it
I fought a guy last night because he said "extra pulp orange juice is the best orange juice"
the insurance claim form from last night says foreign object removal from genitourinary tract so as far as the insurance company knows, it could have been a gerbil
I told him I was studying his body for art, so now I have to actually do a drawing of him to not look like a creep and so we can hook up again.
A Valium induced mom decided to walk into my bedroom this morning without knocking. Guess what I was doing? FML
Randomize
