fucking a dude
i mean: fucking a, dude
wow, that comma made all the difference there
i wish there were pregnant emoticons
Watching Miami Social reminded me of how much I miss snorting coke with burger king straws in a life guard hut on the beach until we noticed someone was drowning.
Did you save them?
Who?
Just kicked a guy in his penis in order to win a dance contest on Bourbon....desperate.
I know she was blacked out, but she looked directly at the toilet and said "we meet again"
I really have to stop waking up in hot tubs on Friday mornings.
Dude. I'm busy doing PR for America. FOR AMERICA. Europeans think we can't handle liquor.
I just looked at your pics on Facebook....there was cake? Where the fuck was I!?
When Pony by ginuwine plays I pretty much just grind on the nearest penis.
I think Facebook knows you fucked me. All of a sudden I get everything you do in my news feed.
Our relationship needs a sober moment
I'll call you when that happens
I left the brick of cheese in your car! Keep it at Moderate Temp! It's my precious!
and then I said "oh, I see the price of Plan B has gone up". and the pharmacist looked at me very sadly. I was just trying to make conversation.
She moved all of her stuff out while we were gone. Shit in the toilet, and didn’t flush. So yeah it went well.
I knew how high you were when you put a french fry in your mouth and said 'fuck, this tastes like meat but feels blue.'
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