I really like him. That's why I'm having sex with someone else, so he doesnt think i'm a slut.
Jon and Kate. Drink everytime we see tears. Drink twice if a child cries. Finish your bev if you cry.
We took shots in honor of Shark Week.
its like my vagina has this homing beacon out to all the guys saying "come find me, i havent been shaved in weeks"
We were hooking up and you crawled into bed with us, because you had lost your phone and didn't "want to be alone at a time like this."
well at that point we were just fucking to keep warm.
She's the perfect storm when it comes to psycho stalkers
Would it be safe to assume you're the one that left my front door wide open and left yourself a trail of jaeger drops to find your way back?
Do you remember trying to use a pencil, pen, and sunglasses as your second form of ID at the bar when they wouldn't let you in last night?
She had forties taped to her hands and was trying to give him a hand job while he was passed out, with everyone in the living room.
I think Vodka is my favorite. Everything else ties for second.
this dude, we had a connection. he kept smiling at me. it's like he knew i was gonna facebook stalk the fuck out of him
LESSON OF THE DAY: Saying Everclear gets you out of explaining anything.
I am on my way right now and I SWEAR TO GOD IF YOU EAT MY BURRITO YOU WILL NEVER SEE MY TITS AGAIN
Idk if my headache is from the alcohol, the pot brownies, or being dragged down 8 flights of stairs by my ankles because i passed out in the 12th floor girls bathroom by you. Probably a combo of all three.
Randomize
