yo i just woke up i feel so weird, and the absolut is still fill, so is the 30, what the fuck did we drink last night man? And will you please come out of the bathroom.
Bro... we didn't even hang out last night??
Why don't I have your new number? And who have I been texting?
would it be inappropriate to describe you with the phrase "bigass titties"?
Desperate + desperate does not equal a fun night.
Studying for the exam.. Identifying the portraits using phrases like "large penis"
Apparently I whispered "Jesus was here" and bailed out of the moving taxi.
it looks like my getting laid tonight is going to depend on my knowledge of native birds. this is a weird party
no, she just came home, mumbled about being a gerbil out of water then ate half cooked chicken nuggets.. normal night
Just drove by where I lost my sausage gravy virginity
My nonexistent future grandchildren will one day ask me when I knew I'd lost control of my life. And now I know.
We were in the uber and you were crying because you wanted to be an Olympic gymnast. The driver tried to console you and you just cried harder
Going to the eye doctors drunk makes you feel like your doing a sobriety test! They have to know..
I saw that he had a tattoo of a map of New Jersey on his arm, so i slowed down to like 20mph and pushed him out of the car
the weird part wasn't waking up in someone else's underwear, it was how the cat was staring at me like he knew more about last night then i remembered.
Do you think Ashley had her twin sister tag in for our date? The sex was different and I think a mole was missing
Randomize
