textsfromlastnight.com keeps rejecting me
that alone proves you never get laid, nor have a life.. or have anything funny to contribute to the world.
WHY CAN'T YOU EVER SHIT LIKE A NORMAL PERSON, JESSE.
oh God, I have a dick of a middle schooler
i finally watched harry potter... a tad unrealistic if you ask me... i mean a ginger kid with 2 friends?
she "accidentally" hit me with her car, its almost as if she know im fucking her boyfriend.
we cant have a funnel and a dog. thats a lot of responsibility
Me. You. Shitty green clothes from Savers that we will dub alligator costumes. Middle of the quad tomorrow at noon. Bring your alligator voice and the pearls before swine comic.
There's a man in a pumpkin/reaper outfit advertising a new head shop outside the Taco Bell. I love this town.
I take your giggles as a yes to operation McLaxitives?
I ate the crust off the pizza and left the rest in the box. Even I would hate me.
Holy shit, I wanna ride him into the horizon.
You know you turned your life around when your drunk eating salad at 3 am on a Friday night
I miss my teeeeeeeeth. They're in a bag in my hand.
Do you think it would be weird to wear a shirt that says 'big fun small package' from an ex for a first date?
I cam home to find him twitching on the floor, surrounded by unopened condoms and covered in cranberry sauce (yes I tasted it) while Thundercats was playing.
Randomize
