i mean really, i cant compete with a cucumber
I think that i just found proof that harry and ginny had sex
Just walked by a yard full of girls wearing bikinis. I did my best to stare.
We're smoking a joint the size of the average penis right now. I may not survive.
if i find out your the one who pierced my belly button im going to fuck your sister again
Codeine + Boredom = Sprinting between my front and back door.
Someone is in my phone as "fireball girl" and keeps texting me. How do I go about finding out who it is?
Just saw you in traffic. You may have noticed me, I was the corpse driving the white car.
most of the afternoon was spent sneaking around my house and alternating which bathrrom to throw up in.
No gay bar. My eyemake up looks like sex and Im using these dick daggers of mine tonight.
Who knew wearing a toga outside would provide for and infinite amount of dick to choose fron
I found a guy who will take me to the Olive Garden and he is CONVENTIONALLY ATTRACTIVE.
Just in case the world ends tomorrow, I have an emergency contact group of booty calls I can send a quick "let's fuck" to before I die.
Thank god I work in a lab. This pinkeye is out of control and my safety glasses are the only thing stopping me from digging at my eye with a pen
I'm not gonna swipe right, he has better hair than me. Just no.
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