I just blew up the bathroom at work and now I feel like a new woman
whats a polygalesbian?
lesbian polygamists..duh.
My vagina is so ashamed right now. It won't even look at me.
I'm proud of us, I'm cleaning up the place and I haven't found a single beer can that isn't empty.
i bought a pregnancy test with dimes. Is that trashy?
It got awkward when the girl working at planned parenthood continued to hit on me, after she knew about my STDs.
I just discovered the Reese's pieces and sourdough bread sandwich. No signs of coming down.
I owe you 20 bucks. My blood work did show liver damage.
Apparently getting drunk at a philanthropy event and tweeting about it is "frowned up"
Dead. I am actually dead. Also, worst nightmare confirmed: throwing up in a four hundred person lecture.
My butthole probably tastes like a Cinnabon right now
Don't judge me 👊🏼 his dick just whispers my name
2017 is my year to realize stuff. Move over Kylie Jenner
I swear to god if you settle for a trump supporting packers fan, I will not acknowledge your children. You're better than that.
I wish I could send you one of those donuts I had. Like teleport it to you. Because it would change your life
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