Just walk-of-shame'd past fifteen little girls at summer camp. Take a good look girls, I am you in twelve years.
This guy at the party just introduced himself to me as "the guy who sat behind you on a plane last year"
Oh btw, my mom called... you made the police blotter in the newspaper. Don't worry, she's mailng me a copy so I can put in on the fridge.
Looking for the remote in the couch. Finding Adderall beads. Considering utilizing.
What color are my eyes?
Ummmm... 34 C?
We're attempting to get a tally of how may people puked last night...Please respond with your vomit status.
She literally got down on all fours and I swear did a 360 degrees head rotation exorcist barf...and then moaned IT WAS THE TACO BEEEELLLLLL
so no, not her best night
But break dance skills will only take you so far
This gem of a conversation has been brought to you be weed
His dad gives me dirty looks whenever I come over though. I think it's because I eat his food and have sex with his son.
I called him a "Beautiful Bastard" with "Beautiful Bastard Hair". That is how you pick up a guy from Denmark.
just once i'd like to actually BE there for your crazy drunk stories instead of just getting the play-by-play by people who can't remember half of it
Once the overwhelming "oh god my crotch is on fire" wears off, that excite stuff is really nice
hey, so i dont know your name. but im guessing we had sex last night. seeing that you're in my phone as "had sex time thursty thursday guy"
Of course he’s picking me up at the airport. I taught him the Lotus position last time we had sex.
Randomize
