Tried killing a moth in our bathroom. Water everywhere. Don't worry about it.
I feel like I am becoming dumber sitting here in class than I would be sitting on the couch smoking weed.
This last weekend single handedly took me off the liver transplant list
Just saved her as "new hostess that randy banged" ...I forgot her name
My wife googled 'purchase vibrator.' Not sure if I should be excited or offended.
I cant talk about it right now or let you guess, but its something you and i would do. Kinda like that time we had the case of beer and went bowling
You hooked up with minors in a golf cart?
oh and then you called a time out with your penis
am i so blindsided by his great personality that i'm hooking up with an ugly guy?
i thought you knew
For when you/if you wake up tomorrow.. You broke 4 of the bar's glasses tonight and I am currently watching you as you ride the broom around the bar instead of cleaning up your mess. I am no longer able to come up with excuses for you.
she's drunk at 2 in the afternoon again. at least my mother is predictable.
I just sit in the cubicle for 8 hours and do keagles.
you are like the bill nye of illicit activities
Just sitting at dinner with my dad...simultaneously texting "daddy" to confirm saturday's spanking and telling another guy to get condoms before Im done with dinner. Don't know when I got so ate up but I'm loving it. You?
Regretting asking you what you were doing.
Always great to be boarding a plane when you realize that what you thought was gas is actually very untrustworthy
It's less than a hour into 2020 and I already want to punch some people in the face
Randomize
