You know, Peter Parker would not have been nearly as cool if he had gotten bitten by an ant.
I found the TV remote. It was in the washing machine along with the chicken wings you kept complaining to Domino's about that they 'never delivered'
He literally stopped in the middle of sex to look up sex positions on his iPhone...
it's been a while because I don't count the hooker
Come on. It's already happy hour in Europe...Man up. "I'm at work" and "it's a tuesday" are not valid excuses.
while we were making out your friend starting kissing my toes and all you had to say was "just go with it"
Just put my hand under my pillow and found a peach ring. Lat night just came rushing back.
its likemy ribs anf my hesrt aew cuddlingn
Even the bar was yelling boobs, so of course the shirt came off
Next time he asks to wax your nipple while you're passed out I promise I'll be sober enough to intervene.
Brought him brownies before taking his pants off. I'm like the Martha fucking Stewart of booty calls. Walk of shame be damned.
We're over by the bouncy castles. I'm the one wearing a baby. Bring Twizzlers.
Does puke ruin car paint? Good thing it's raining.
Instead of saying hi she asked if she could touch your dick through your ski bib and NOW I understand why you wore it to the bars
I hate her so much I want to fuck her boyfriend.
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