im orety awesome arent i? relly i know i am
They threw me out of the bar because I was arguing business ethics with the owner of th bar
I have discovered something important. The trick to making food taste better is not always 'more hot sauce'.
It was so delicious I was introducing it to people. Guy from my psych class was like "This is my girlfriend, Erica," and I was like, "This is my milkshake, Oreo."
well apperantly i passed out on the stairs shouting "victory".
Still trying to wash and scratch the glitter off of my dick. That stripper should be banned.
Only I could run tino my father in law while looking at condoms at Rite Aid. At 730 on a Thursday morning. I'm in trouble.
Neat. I'm thinking about growing a handlebar muffstache. What are your thoughts on this?
Well I checked the bush outside his apartment building this morning, and he wasn't there... So I knew he was home.
Drunk naked twister. My place. Heath is trying to use his dick as a third leg.
You called me at 3 am laughing like an idiot. Apparently you consider breaking out of the hospital to be a lifetime achievement.
I think I just wanna go buy some jack at the liquor store, come home, take my pants off, and not give a shit about stuff
He gave me the "find somebody who wants to date you for who you are" speech while I walked around the house asking people for pants.
I only want to come over for sex and blueberry pancakes
She made me pour olive oil on her.
Randomize
