Got separated, got a half bj, got dropped off in random part of the city, don't tell anyone
Dude. No way. She insults the term butterface. She's a butternothing.
I got cut off for calling the flower girl a slut. What are you doing?
You're not invited to the wedding. They don't want you starting a "who's fucked the bride the most" contest.
thanks. im glad you find me better in your comparison between me and fat girl porn.
I wonder if her husband knows I have my own drawer at the apartment
I am making up for a 7 year dry spell so I get a pass and I don't always care if there is a second date. It is like college but with more money and condoms.
UGH FUCK THIS TRAFFIC I WANNA SUCK A DICK
I am all the way hung over and want nothing more in this world than a McMuffin. Happy day after Thanksgiving.
no we just smoked too much weed and listened to the tarzan soundtrack. phil collins is amazing
So many people have told me I have great tits tonight, I'm unstoppable
My law teacher drew an elephant on the board in class. I was so high that I laughed for 5 minutes straight. Nobody else laughed and everyone stared. 130 people knew I was high.
I was just told that I'm the Sherlock Holmes of drunken sex. I'll take it.
I'd invite you over to drink but then I wouldn't be drinking by myself.
Something in me snapped and now I’m just googling famous vegans.
Randomize
