I told her i was enlisting in the air force tomorrow.....it was like the activation code to her vagina
That bus ride was like a tour of all the bushes I puked behind last night
you never realize your highschool teachers are real people till you fuck one of them
So my retainer doesn't fit, so i'm getting drunk so i can put it back in. Alone.
You would...
I have to have sex with him again. I feel like I need to train him so no other girl experiences that bad of sex.
I just want him to slap me with his dick and call it love
Last night I texted her to confirm she could start designing costumes for my show this week.
That is one convoluted booty call.
ur mom makes the best bacon
WHAT ARE YOU DOING IN MY HOUSE
omg this is getting ridiculous. nobody's vagina should ever be this neglected.
He offered to buy me free breakfast if I stayed at the hotel overnight with him. I then realized they have a complimentary breakfast.
After what I experienced at 6am this morning, all I can say is chew your noodles thoroughly.
we both turned hook ups into relationships we are crushing this thing called life right now.
Here's an unsolicited pic of my tits, because you almost died last night.
I walked past his mum on the way out and she offered me toast in a napkin "for my travels". Being home from uni is weird.
I'm just letting you know right now in advance that if I die or go to the hospital or end up in jail tonight it's because your kid sold me mushrooms.
Randomize
