i kno its fucked up..but id rather sleep it off than seek medical attention right now
We better get laid next semester cause I prayed hard
I even walked 30 feet with my eyes closed from two love rocks so that we get some cock
Do I buy ice cream sandwiches or a 40? these are the difficult life decisions I am faced with.
I just woke up to find the whole kitchen sick had been converted into a gravity bong.
she wants to wait til the kids are asleep so im just shotgunning the parents beers in the pillow fort. I love fucking babysitters
During breaking dawn, he leaned over and asked me why she would have to worry about her period since she essentially just married a walking super-absorbant tampon... It was the best way to ruin those movies for me.
Guess I'll put him on my to-do list too. But closer to the bottom since we dated before. That's almost unethical.
Do you think blood ever gets sick of carrying all these drugs around?
Like, there are so many different things we make it do, and it just wants to settle down and be a one-drug fluid?
Stop reading WebMD high.
Whoever put salsa in the kiddie pool.....your an ass. Fuck you.
I'm jealous that you can use my boobs as pillows & I can't.
Got really high to see my fist college experience unfold. Too high to find my classroom but I found the McDonald's down the street
whatcha doing?
lying in bed pretending to be a slug
idk how many shots you took between 2:39 and 3:05, but your message went from "Please text me tomorrow." to "Why you sto textom?"
You were just laying there on the air mattress watching spongebob with a knife. We tried to take it from you, but you insisted it was your emergency escape in case you started to float off.
I think i got beer on your cat.
Randomize
