mark tries to be a total badass to make up for the fact that he's a poor man's pete wentz
I think she would actually eat a penis if anyone was brave enough to let one near her mouth
You were running around the house covered in syrup, with shredded down pillow feathers on your body screaming "AFLACK!" at everyone
Found out in my property law class that you can sell your eggs for $8000. Helloooo spring break.
She woke me up, whispered "I like the size of your dick", kissed me, and rolled over and went back to sleep
oh my god, there is an imprint from the nuva ring in the christmas card my mom sent me. merry christmas.
You made her yell her own name while you were fucking so that you would remember it in the morning.
Well he walked in last night, yelled at me for not playing any music and started dancing.
I also woke up on my floor. Naked. On a pile of clothes. With my head in the trash can. And a sheet over me.
This bird just went for my eyes. Does he think I'm dead???
Why do I have a separate credit card just for booze? Because I saved enough points so Saturday we are flying to Denver to smoke legal weed and fly back in the same day.
If I make it through this whole bridesmaid process without anyone knowing that I actually hate everyone but the bride, including the groom, I deserve a complimentary bottle of vodka.
Getting a lap dance from a girl you went to high school with really isn't as awkward as you'd think
And she called me out by name, nothing could have made it more awkward but it ended up not being that bad
I took out a life ins. policy Thursday. It's okay I can die in Nashville now.
He's honking my boob in his sleep
It's innocent and endearing in some way
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