So my shaver died while I was trimming...ya know. And now it is half way done. I don't think there's currently any aesthetic in keeping it this way...
You called me twice to tell me that you spit in your own eye, when I was right next to you.
im downtown. alone. lost. drunk. dressed as santa. dont find me. i just heard someone say mechanical bull.
The guy in the American Flag bikini was telling the women he was disgusted at the amount of alcohol they weren't drinking. Then it got ridiculous.
she's crying and begging for her chapstick and insisting on walking home...her every thursday ritual
And the clouds opened up and the sex gods said I hate you alfalfa
her best friend is in town and she told me that they used to fool around when they were drunk and I'd have to "help keep that from happening"
you motherfucker
Just fucked in a kitchen. I never want my penis that close to knives, stoves, or blenders ever again.
I may have farted on a group of children. It may not have been an accident.
You came into my room and started rubbing a banana on your face.
I was so high I didn't realize I'd put on someone else's bra. I thought my boobs had shrunk.
Hey, Would it be ok if me and your wife have a ladies only night and masturbated on FaceTime together?
I ate 2 pot cookies before we left the house. Fuck Pokemon. I'm playing my own game.
My drunk ass is being chauffeured around like the damn queen of England
Dude, what the hell where you thinking last night
Welllllll basically they were like "challenge" and I was like "accepted"
Randomize
