I'm not ready for the Pike bikes to move back in to town it was wonderful seeing that sorority house empty all summer
... I'm KD
she smelled like a LAN party
i just turned the eviction notice into a beer pong list
he asked if he could put his cape on while he was still inside me.
I thought you'd have died of alcohol poisoning years ago! How'd you get my number?
You ever get that 6th sense feeling in your dick like you know its gonna get sucked later?
then she said she was half-a-virgin and that she would appreciate it if i would finish what her old booty call started
You know you've got awesome issues when the main deciding factor of whether or not to cut your nails depends on nacho consumption in the near future
turns out putting a tie on my unicorn onesie didn't make it acceptable "formal wear" and I found salsa in my cup holder
Hahaha idk what's worse your life or my hangover.
one of these days i'm gonna do a sparkly magical girl transformation into snoop dogg
What are your thoughts toward getting nasty in a minivan?
Considering we're about to fuck, I really need your girlfriend to stop liking all my Facebook posts.
High me is so sweet. She left not-high me a fortune from a fortune cookie and 6 packets of soy sauce in my tampon drawer.
Dude my roommate just peed out the window
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