she just waddled down the stairs behind me and puked and kind of reached for me but i sped up. does that make me a bad person?
non applicator tampons are so hard to put in when your drunk. i fingered myself for 10 minutes and forgot what i was trying to do.
Listen, what he fails to understand is that the Olive Garden does not equal pussy.
Had to use the product locator on on the four loko website to find them at home. Got to go in the backroom of a grocery store to get them. Dedication.
... Already stepped in vomit and got a dirty look from a fat in a neck brace
I'll offer my penis as collateral. You can hold title to it till I pay you back.
He came when he saw that my nipples were pieced
You were upset that she was flirting with your boyfriend so I thought the best game plan was to show her my boobs and get her to make out with me instead. I am the greatest friend on absinthe.
Using mass transit when I'm hungover makes me feel like I missed my calling as a serial killer
I can't help but look at my sex life and acknowledge that this is not normal behavior.
That's really the only reason I'm dating you, the prospect that I might get bacon
I accidently sent a dick pic to the group chat with her family. Right after they all said it was a pleasure having me for dinner. Wana drink with me?
if you were broke and planning on using koolaid as a tequila chaser which flavor would you pick?
I am so horny that I an legitimately concerned for your safety when I see you tonight.
Is it still sex if there's no nudity, no orgasms, but the neighbors bang on the wall and ask you to stop? I've honestly forgotten.
Randomize
