made out with the bouncer to distract him from how illegitimate my fake id is.
it was worse than that time i tried giving evan head 4 days post nose job.
im dressed up like a present. waiting for someone to unwrap me ;)
this is your brother
the guy i hooked up with is asleep on our couch. please dont fuck him.
he drove an hour to get eggs with me not even a blow job, just eggs.
Dude... You bled on his hand... At this point it doesn't matter that you called him your exes name, seriously.
I have to take his virginity. It's what God put me on earth for. It's my life mission.
But the real question is how many people didn't see my dick last night?
Sorry I drunkenly insulted your air mattress last night. You still could have fucked me on it though.
She pulled up to the bar in a limo, wasted, and alone. Gets out, shrugs and slurs "I couldn't find a cab" and proceeds to take a shot.
I'm in love.
He started french braiding my hair while I was blowing him. The question is not why, but how.
The fact that I can sew my leggings while intoxicated proves I'm a functioning alcoholic
So we are in the middle of sex and his brother knocks on the door and says "dude I just wanted to know if you want to see the fish I got tonight"
I've never had to say don't judge me for chip clips in the shower before
I asked him to have birthday sex with me via xbox live
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