Let me tell you a story about the rise and fall of my self esteem
Remeber, hes got nothing better to offer you than drunk words and hairy balls.
i was trying to wake him up so i just kept touching his dick
Our dealer is pledging my frat. When he come to sell me weed I make him take out the garbage.
Have u seen my thong? Last time i saw it was drenched in vodka and on his brothers broken lamp.
Nah but tell him his boxers made it to the basement
...i'd have to set their sheets on fire.
So your best guy friend eats your pussy once and a while, no big deal. It's like going to jiffy lube once and a while to let the professionals do it. Your husband should understand .
tell me why they applauded then the bartender locked himself in the bathroom when i walked into the bar today ????
No sex in the champagne room. The champagne room being my life
He said his fantasy involved both of us fucking while stuffed into the same overalls
Kind of like the new iOS 10 because I can send sexts with fireworks or confetti. Really gets the point across
He drove over an hour to get this shit done. I guess i win the golden vagina award tonight
I'm sitting at my kitchen table alone dressed as a dinosaur smoking bowls in the dark. Is this rock bottom? Or is this living the dream? Who's to say
HE LIVES IN ANOTHER STATE
actually scratch that last text, he's the perfect boyfriend. He stays faithful and doesnt find out about all the guys here. it's a win-win
This is a life or shit situation. Grab me toilet paper asap. This bathroom is fucking out. This is not a test. This an actual emergency and I am not joking.
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