i just looked at the calendar to see when spring break is and literally stopped eating
She showed me her prom dress from 2001, which still had her date's cum stain on it.
Oh, so that's why you call her jizzarella....
The only way I made it through work was reminding myself how many margaritas per hour I was making
the last time i saw him was an hour he was floating face down in a pool... but i'm sure he's fine.
The dentist told me I have super glue on my teeth. I'm not blaming you I just want to know how that happened
yeah, we figured out that passing a joint between cars was a pretty bad idea
I can only get completely wasted and hungry two more times and then we're out of fritos.
We're high and this subject came up and I'd like a female opinion: if you were a dude, what would you do if a girl tried to give you a foot job?
You peed on someone's house because they had a Wisconsin flag.
My aunt comes over, haven't seen her in 4 years. First thing, looks me up and down and goes "...yup, that pair ripened nicely. Theyll get you some free drinks"
I think you were raised by the wrong sister
just when his roommates walked in, we were naked in the kitchen. proceeded to awkwardly pretzel walk back into his room to cover each other (not that they haven't seen me naked plenty of times) and continue to have glorious morning sex. his roomates love me.
He's tying my arms above my head and all I can think is that I should've shaved my armpits
its not everyday you see batman on the ground with someone riverdancing on his face bourbon street never disappoints
Suffice to say, I think if people ask about your bruises, and you look them right in the eye, and say "they're from fucking...", people would be like, "respect."
I went to the hospital to have my arm checked out, and they already knew the story. They gave me props for posting photos on facebook before even coming to the hospital.
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