shut up. I wear heels bigger than your dick
she came to the game with a camelback filled with booze. except it was only the bag part so she duct taped to her back
i was the DD for the swedish students tonight. Got paid 23 dollars for driving 10 miles. gotta love ignorance and the confusion conversion brings.
She said her first boyfreind was so small she is still technically a virgin.
all i remember is stealing his cheesepuffs and shaving my vagina in the hotel lobby
I lost my phone so I put sticky notes all over my roommates body asking her to wake me up at 7:00 AM.
Saying we were separated at birth, got on a ship and sailed here via onion barrel from Somalia didn't help our case at all....
Just thought you should know the man you CHOSE to father your children has once again fallen asleep on the toilet. thanks mom
Also, I'm going to TRY and be casual this weekend, but really, we need to be serious about equally dividing our time between party and bullshit.
THERE IS NOT ENOUGH CAPSLOCK IN THE HISTORY OF THE WORLD TO EXPRESS MY CURRENT STATE OF WHAT THE FUCK JUST HAPPENED
He drinks vodka like healthy people drink water and I wanted to have his adopted gay babies. That's all. I'm going to go find him and potentially propose.
I shaved my pussy for you. If you complain about a single hair that I missed again, you will be greeted by a bush the next time you go down on me and i will MAKE YOU KEEP GOING
I'm sorry that running around town like a frenetic wombat trying to find you KY jelly isn't good enough for you.
I mean, she's batshit insane and once choked a guy with one hand but she's still MILF material in my book.
I'm trying to imagine how upset he was when he realized that he had been cockblocked by a picture of a sloth and I am drawing indescribable pleasure from it.
Randomize
