Anyone ask you how much a bj cost yet? That shirt is so whorish
does dane cook know its not 2004 and that hes no longer relevant?
I just took the soap out of the bathroom and hid it... this way I could see if she would say anything. you know, to see how clean she was
I was handcuffed to a girl for half-an-hour. And I'm still the only one in the house who didn't get laid.
He ran five blocks just to watch me and my best friend make out. I think he's a keeper.
I think I just accidentally agreed to become a surrogate for a gay couple
We're doing it in the traditional way of discussing why we dislike each other while sharing a bowl. Just like the natives do.
Having to explain to my dad why there are chicken wings to the pool filter, new low.
How much money would it take for the bouncer to get us beers while we wait in line to get in?
$450 apparently whoopwhoop
Thanks to that wedding, I got to use the term "finger bang" more than I have since high school.
"YOU A2TE UNDERAGE LOL" Got that at 2am. Gotta stop dating alcoholics.
My room looks so cute. Who wouldn't want to hook up with me in here?
WEED BROWNIES! He put weed in my brownie mix! And he got it from YYYYOOOOUUUU!
Look at the bright side mom. After 20 years dad is still capable of surprising you!
Shut up Max.
That awkward moment when you hear your boss yelling during sex while you're on her couch eating Easy Mac.
she wouldnt leave because they were playing One Direction. I'm dating a thirteen year old.
Randomize
