You even been so high breaking up weed with your fingers feels like surgery?
I just bought a CD. I feel like a traitor to my generation.
You were mumbling a lot and offered me 20 dollars to leave you alone
once i realized i was actively trying to drink the beer i was sweating out of my body i knew it was time to go to bed
She handed me a mouthguard and said "here, you're going to need this" that rough.
Tomorrow is Have Sex and Climb A Mountain Day. We have amazing dates.
Concert was great. Tackled the lead singer. Met him afterwards. He was cool about it.
Are you sure you didn't shit in my back yard?
We dropped so many bottles they would only give us plastic cups. We actually drank ourselves back to preschool.
I think I may be the only girl in the world that can say she has fallen asleep grasping a penis..... 3 different times...... 3 different penises
I found you walking along the street hammered. You walked up said hi and handed me a beer.
I'M OFFICIATING THIS WEDDING. HOLY SHIT.
I thought my holiday spirit was gone this year until I got banged to Christmas music. It's back.
You’re like one of those doomsday preppers, but for your vagina
Being single again makes you realize how guys can go from licking your asshole one night to never texting you again
Randomize
