Fuck Jersey, the house im in is so baller but this state just cannot win.
yeah he didnt know till after their one year. You have no idea how bad i wanna say "dude i sucked on those boobs before you"
And the cops told us we were all naked.
The pine trees are waving at me.
Put the pipe down honey.
Hi trees.
I ate the snowman's head. That is not a drug euphemism.
note to self: an IV pole is no substitute for a stripper pole. Written it on my ankle cast.
it's kinda bad that we're already planning travel arrangements to his funeral
yeah that's what i said...you fucked him and peed on his comforter
yeah well...Like any great yacht, I leave a wake
In brighter news I got condoms and a mattress protector today.
I really like her...she always overpays me for xanax and still feels the need to fuck me to make up for it....
Watching him and my sister argue over a rum and coke about who's going to chop the coffee table in half with a hatchet...
Please hurry up and come back. This is so awkward. He's showing me banana videos.
You have to sext the same way you right a resume, you can only use active verbs
You have no idea I looked like the porno version of Laura Ingalls Wilder
I worry about your feelings an awful lot for somebody who gets off on making you cry
Randomize
