Dude I just witnessed a midget touching himself and singing the chorus to somebodys watching me by michael jackson... it kinda turned me on
I just want to get to the point in our relationship where I can get on top of her and fart and we can both laugh...not just me.
He smothers me through text. I can't even image what he'd be like in person.
Just proved I could salsa dance in a bar where no one was dancing
Sidenote...no idea how to salsa
I just farted a soft, gentle fart and it made me think of the eye puff glaucoma test at the eye dr. I hope that's not fart air they use for those. And yes, I'm texting you from the toilet and yes again, I'm high.
we got her to the bathroom intime. all she could say was 'now my bladder is empty just like my soul'
Uhm after 8 I don't recall anything. All I know is there's a picture of me playing pong with my grandmother.
FINE YOU CAN EAT HOT WINGS WHILE WE HAVE SEX
just like fucking own it. stare that cop in the eye and just keep masturbating "yeah motherfucker Im high as shit and this feels great"
I just forgot I was standing up.
Well, I'm most mad that he lied to you (about being married)...but the CAT THING IS A CLOSE SECOND
His idea of a night out is drinking beer in the driveway. He's been on house arrest too long
Ive got small boobs, but they sure do like to pop out and party with the big dogs.
He has fairy lights round his bed.. And played Jamie cullum when we had sex... Hes batting for the other team right?
Way to fucking accidentally drunk dial me while you're talking to and buying other girls drinks. Don't call me.
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