Just drove past a church with a sign near it that said, "God wants to be your daddy."
seriously i just wanna be friends
pass
I just used my 7th grade year book to figure out who I hooked up with last night. Being home is magical.
my dad is drunk dialing our relatives who are stuck in a blizzard asking them to pick up sun tan lotion for him cause hes too drunk to drive to the store.
they shut off the water. shaving my legs with soda. that desperate.
He scored a 8.5/10 on that girls powerpoint. Of course I slept with him
Just found cake in my bra, debating if I should eat it
My only regret is that we didn't pee on our neighbors Prius
The roommate asked me to make sure no one fucked in his room. And then preceded to give only me permission to fuck in his room. Had no idea who I was, just thought I was trustworthy cause I had Edward 40 hands. Felt like a Tarantino movie.
there's a drunk hobo under the bridge wearing a jester hat and screaming at women
He finger blasted me like an angel dude
Rough day
Good thing I've started drinking again
I don't think you could pull off being mean.
How do you think I'm still single?
How's the party?
I'm watching two people get flogged. Sothere's that.
FIVE TIMES AND I HAVENT GOTTEN OFF ONCE
literally yelled NOOOO right before he finished .. yelled “five times and I still haven’t gotten off” when he was still inside me ..
Said “don’t worry I’ll get myself off tomorrow” to top it all off
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