god I wish I could record you sometimes, you're so neurotic
You were right. It hurts to walk today.
You know its bad when you can over hear the planned parenthood nurses talking shit behind your back... they've seen everything
he has been on a 2 week bender, has been homeless for a week and a half, and leaves for madagascar in 2 days. Do we worry or is that normal?
No it's cool, He's been doing my English papers in exchange for lap dances since the eleventh grade. We're very professional.
its been so long even thinking about having a dick inside me makes me sore
only in a texas roadhouse would someone whistle while I was breastfeeding.
I cannot be this high in this house. This house has so many of my secrets in its walls.
She said she'd heard about my nickname in high school. Apparently sledgehammer isn't as popular as you'd believe...
It was so weird. She left to go to the bathroom and her older sister leaned towards me with a creepy smile and said, "You don't deserve her" and then continued to stare at me with a crazy expression for the rest of the evening.
That's kinky shit dude.
My landlord showed my apartment to a prospective tenant today and I had my vibrator and gun both chilling on my nightstand
Paige is home safe.
Actually, she's here now, punching me in the face. You should've kept her keys.
Throwing up into Nora's potty chair while simultaneously having beer shits was truly the highlight of my Christmas season.
not only did u rap a voicemail to me last night.... but it lasted so long that it cut you off so you called back to finish..... never do this again
Lol. I liked you the most when we were banging random girls and trying to tag team everything. You were happier then.
Randomize
