dude, the reading rainbow guy was just talking to a HOLOGRAM
Are you sure you're not watching Star Trek?
wait... oh
how do you spell 'special'? like slow?
S P E L L C H E C K
No you dumbass thats not right
I really hope I'm not the first person who's had to wash vomit off of cash and credit cards.
is it really high of me to have brought my own hot sauce to wendys?
she just announced that once she was paid to deep throat a light saber with a mint flavored condom on it. i'm speechless.
I managed to convince him it was his fault I cheated on him...he spent the last 40 minutes going down on me. I feel legendary.
No, he's fine. He only wanted to know why there were traffic pylons in the living room and how the peanut butter got on the ceiling.
I can't see straight with both eyes and ive only been at the bar for an hour. Someone else typed this for me.
Made a vodka juice box out of a ziploc bag and a straw for when I drive. Doesn't count as an open beverage container anymore.
I just puked my brains out on the side of the road (see picture) And I took a picture for our scrapbook! I am always thinking! =) tell me your proud?!
Your little brother is asking me for an "expert opinion" on his dick size.
My dog is now used to me drunk singing and sleeps through it. I don't know how I feel about this
We accept all of your sexual lovers, Jewish, episcopalian, atheist. Dick is dick
So apparently I tried texting you last night to tell you I wasn't coming home, but all I had typed were lyrics from Evita
Don't drag this out. All I need to know is if I have to put pants on or not.
Randomize
