i study at coffee shops because all these damn artsy people motivate me to work towards a real job.
This girl is drinking wine and watching grey's anatomy in the library during finals week. I hate comm majors.
the only thing you and i have in common is the we like weed and looking at my naked body.
Made a pan flute out of the varyingly empty beer bottles on the table. Played a glorious tune that paid tribute to the winds.
Btw kudos to your tongue last night. Sorry about that lady jizz in your beard.
It is unclear if my flaming esophagus is hangover induced.
I feel like there is something fundamentally wrong with me as a woman. My initial text to you was "What's up, fuck bucket?"
Seriously I am not buying you condoms anymore. You're 22, if you aren't woman enough to buy them yourself then you don't deserve orgasms. Grow some tits.
my goal for the rest of college is to escape STD free. fuck getting a job. this is more important.
I would rather her be sleeping with someone new than getting to go Harry Potter world before me...
Oh man
I hooked up with the lead singer of the band at the wedding. I am so hungover.
That falls under the "unwelcome penises" category. Also that's definitely a sentence I never thought I would say
You told his date she had the tits to be a stripper and the personality to be the pole. Of course he's pissed off.
You followed me up the stairs while i was throwing up yelling "projectile! projectile! projectile!"
I came and sneezed at the same time. Words can't describe how awesome it was.
Randomize
