I asked my mom, she said yes...but you have to shower with grandpa.
I really hope your girlfriend didnt have your phone while i texted how much i loved doing it in HER car with you :x
This is much more drunk than i was intending for a wednesday
I can't finish this paper in my room because every time I get distracted I start masterbating. I think it's time to go to the library...
I'm playing a game where i judge myself by whats in my cart. Also have 3 bright red giant buckets
Somehow I magically turned down a threesome last night. On my birthday. You're a horrible wingman.
Some guy just showed up at my door to return my bikini top. EXPLAIN NOW
Yeah I don't remember how I got home last night
Judging from my pants, I embarrassed myself smh
sorry for pouring tequila vodka and whiskey down your throat and left you to sleep on a table
sex on a roof was cool and all but that superhero argument was the best part of the night hands down
Sometimes I refuse to go through a door until someone holds it open for me because I'm a fucking lady.
I'm making myself the patron saint of bisexuality
Like, what do you do with girlfriends? Buy her dinner and just like leave?
What the fuck dude?
Sorry bro...
YOU HUMPED ME FOR AN HOUR WHILE YELLING "I GOTTA ASSERT DOMINANCE"
I knew she was the one when we had sex to the halo soundtrack.
Randomize
