If this place produced love children they would be born wearing Lilly Pullitzer with raging coke addictions.
So after your 27th or so beer, you gave me songs you want to have used if you're ever on intervention.
How do you say "I'm sorry I beat you up while cumming" in German?
Didn't know what to wear so I ripped off my bed sheets and tied myself a toga. "a little hungover" is no way to describe me right now.
I need to beat up a magician now. BRB.
Holy hangover, going dancing with family good idea, taking the last shot with the transvestite bar owner not so much...
My chin is breaking out a bit and feels all itchy and burny like I'm allergic to something. Are you using a new lotion on your balls?
Haha, I gave you the rest of the cash I had on me and you bought 3 shots for yourself and beer for everybody except me FUCKFACE.
I have bits of ceiling fan all over now
hey at least you are getting hit on, i spent all day researching cat sedatives
A guy from tinder a while ago who sent me dick pics straight out the gate is a tech on my dad's hospital floor. I was wondering why he looked familiar and why he never took my dads vitals when I was in the room
Tinder recommend to a friend: making threesomes easier since 2016
Fuck. I did it again. I plugged in my toaster and walked away thinking it needed to preheat. I am dumb.
I can't really text bc it's too expensive but I thought youd like to know I just shit myself in a gift shop.
Still had our rainbow strip poker new years tradition. End of night we were only wearing mask.
Did you get the usual surprise pics from the strange straight you like to sprinkle in.
Randomize
