Well I'm going to a gay club in my banana suit. You should come. My bro is going as a pirate. I don't know if there's a theme.
I really love her but I don't think I can go the rest of my life without anal.
He's the biggest piece of shit to ever exist. He's not even wearing shoes.
you said you didn't feel like drinking anymore so you mixed vodka with your applesauce and ate it
Turned out not to be so bad. He had a big dick and i owed him for all the free beer over the year.
today's workout consisted of me putting my fake in my sports bra and running to the liquor store.
I'm drinking nothing but vodka and coffee for the next 48 hours. For science.
I'm going to try and loofah my hangover away.
Update: It didn't work
So I'm texting her. How do I steer the conversation toward "I honestly would be fine never seeing you again"?
Drinking from the bottle. In bed. Making dinosaur noises. Oh man.
Um. Did you take a picture of me with a giant dildo after we went bowling?
His dog was laying on the bed and he said we could have sex as long as we didn't disturb his dog. My life is pathetic
Started mixing booze directly into the 2 liters and carrying them around. Mixing less often, and now kind of weightlifting,so double effecient.
A stripper set a mans ass on fire... the club smelled like burning ass and boxers.
I found a tomato seed inside my jeans. I did not eat tomatoes
Randomize
