didn't have any spoons so I beer bonged my chicken noodle soup. I fucking love camping.
Before I left in the morning I deleted her purity ring app off her iPod, I figured it would save her the shame
He's doing the single life. He recently finished like a 3 year relationship. You can't date him.
But I don't want to date him. I just want to look at him. Naked. And in my bed.
I can't believe you just became a stipulation in their divorce papers.
The sales associate looked at me funny for wobbling in the heels i was trying on until i told her i was trying to see how well i'd be able to drunk walk in these tonight
Take off that red sweater and wear my vagina as a facemask.
Hey, what did you end up doing with those ski goggles?
Anything is possible. I didn't even know I was wearing the toilet cover as a hat
At one point, he came in to give her a pep talk, and then after he left, she just kept whispering his name into the toilet between heaves.
One. But meh. I upped my age limit to like 29 hoping I'll match with this one fedex guy that delivers packages to my work
Grilled cheese and shark week. Unemployment done right.
THIS IS SO HOT. BYE PANTIES.
I wish period tracker had a "on this day" also so i can see who i was with this day last year.
Thanks for wearing matching bob ross shirts to the bar with me and referring to every guy as a happy little accident
New one isn't as good asmy ex. She won't put her tongue up my butt
Peter this is your "ex"
I stand by what i said
you were making out with a girl because you told her you were part of Nsync
Randomize
