he looked about as manly as a guy in a volkswagen bug can look
just took my abortion antibiotic with my martini. i no longer wonder how i got into this situation.
You hooked up with 4 random girls, avoided your grilfriend finding out about it, and dodged traffic on Park Ave. Can you say luck of the Irish?
Gonna post on craigs list missed connections - "I was that really drunk bitch that threw up in your car. I'd like to pay for detailing"
She just got out of the car and said "hold on purse.. It's going to be a bumpy ride"
I had a moment while I was smoking where I was looking at these palm trees and I knew how dr Seuss came up with his characters.
well I have to shit but I'm too hungover to push, and I snorted advil so I wouldn't have to swallow it and throw up.. hungover is an understatement.
He wrote on the paper that he wanted a "Ptitty burreto" from taco bell...when we ordered it the girl paused and entered "Potatoe burrieto"....we laughed
I love birth control. How's that for a Facebook status on valentines day.
I'm so excited you texted me but I'm way to high to process it
The fact that you got a stranger guy to buy you a pizza off tinder makes me feel amazing
Those people that talk about exercise endorphins have never experienced a 9x13 pan of mac n cheese endorphins
I sent him home with blood on his fingers and shame in his heart.
For the love of all that is holy just take the tranquilizers Erica
We met behind our asshole boss's back with the intent to oust him from the company. If this revolution is a success, bring nachoes.
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