Just found 50 pesos and a coke spoon in my dads old shit. Gotta love the 70s
there was already a condom in her . . and it was bigger than me
sitting in class between the roommates of the two girls i fucked over break. this feels like a bad version of wife swap
Also I got A jello shot for $2!!! It's like the forever 21 of bars
I just learned you can mail a coconut. I'll be over in 3 days with the rum.
I just saw that cheerleader from u of arkansas that I hooked up with over spring break on espn. My parents would be so proud.
I made a blanket fort and am drinking Gatorade and eating donuts watching 500 days of summer. I can't keep spending my saturdays like this.
On a scale of 1 to 3, with 1 being the smallest and 3 being the largest, what size nipple pasty do you think I am?
k. The important thing is we are going out. You are stones. I am mildly hallucenating.
I was hammered helping a pregnant woman at the gas station name her unborn child. We had to try everything with two different last names because she was waiting on the results of her paternity test.
I resisted the urge to announce that it looks like a big crystal butt plug
Who's the naked guy asleep in your car?
Nothing says responsible like taking your birth control with an open bottle of wine you left on your night stand from the night before
That awkward moment when the guy you were hitting on at the bar last night is a possible suspect in a murder case.
She then told me, and I quote "I want to send you nudes just to see how you'd react."
Randomize
