So do you want to come over? ;)
Never again opening up the Pandora's box of crazy that is your vagina. Sorry.
we were dressed as cave people and he kept telling everybody i was so easy a caveman could do it.
Never again let me pretend to be australian for free booze.
I've decided to turn your sobriety into a reason for me to be able to drink more.
just so you know... i was wasted last night, but the evening is coming back to me in flashes... i made you eat gravy last night, didn't i?
I got a Luke Skywalker costume so I can go do battle with the homeless guy who plays the fiddle dressed as Darth Vader downtown.
I woke up at 4 am to my roomate peeing all over my clean laundry. He thought he was in the bathroom and yelled at me for being in the bathroom with him while he was peeing.
I'm pretty stoned, and for a second I forgot that I'm not actually Barbie and I was getting excited about all the fun we were going to have on my jet.
You rode your bike four miles to my house. Yelled "I'm so high!" Then crashed into his car. It's a problem.
Thats not real though. Slash there are other extenuating circumstances to lead me to believe dick is wanted
HOLY FUCK I SPELLED EXTENUATING RIGHT ON THE FIRST TRY. IM THE BEST DRUNK NA
We need to make tonight low-budget
Is this your way of suggesting flasks?
He struggled for a second trying to unhook my bra and I said "4/10. Novice."
did i get sucker punched in the face last night or was our make-out session just that intense?
There is a moment when you wake up with a butt plug in when you question your choices in life.
There is also a moment when you wake up in a kiddie pool of jello cubes where you question what the fuck you did last night. Are you still in the attic or did you go home.
He's petting your head, we need to leave now.
Randomize
