Reach down the front of your pants and feel around for a while. When you find your balls, leave the library and meet me at the bar.
they bought blue cups instead of red...wtf how am i supposed to pretend im on laguna beach??
does drinking everclear count as brushing your teeth? because i think they are sterilized
I drew a venn diagram at the top of my final comparing stuff i know and stuff on the test.
She threw up on me during morning sex and now Im pretty sure I just saw a woman die at 7-eleven. This is way too much for a Monday morning
for future reference: even when 4 loko is flat it still fucks you up. im near a tree. come find me.
There is nothing scarier than watching yourself breathe in the mirror while on shrooms.
I caught them hiding behind a car trying to have sex.
Last thing I remember is ranting about hating pants. Woke up this morning pants less. Couldn't find them, decided to leave. Driving without pants is surprisingly liberating.
I rubbed his back while he puked for an hour and then ended up getting laid when I tried to put him to bed, best puke and rally I've ever seen.
My one night stand said I love you, opened my fridge, stole my cream cheese and left.
Remember when I convinced you to watch me eat my sandwich just so you could reuse my plate and save us money on our water bill? I'm so ecofriendly when I'm high
dude wtf why are there forks in my wall
does "I AM MAGNETOOOO" ring any bells, because that was you for an entire hour last night
I had to replace her wine with red vitamin water. So if she’s alive, you can thank me
You just sent a mass text asking if anyone ever drank the blood of a goat in the glorious name of Satan...after that we confiscated any writing utensil
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