omg i finished an entire carton of double double chunk chunk ice cream last night...
what? what exactly is in double double chunk chunk?
self-loathing.
Ran into that hot funeral director in the bar two days after the wake. pretty sure we drunk made out.
Grandpa would have been proud
Is sexting at a funeral morally wrong?
I can't make Walk of Shame Wednesdays a recurring theme.
Was that picture taken before or after I supposedly punched him in the face?
So, I was thinking... Since this restraining order doesn't go into affect until monday, that leaves us 5 days to wreck his world.
He told me that if I were a guy he'd go gay for me. Honestly don't know how to take that.
You screamed "I NEED TO GET THE WHOLE SET!" and then proceeded to try touching everyone's balls in the room
Makes sense. My grandma just did this shot. MY FAMILY KICKS ASS.
I seriously need to grocery shop. I have a slice of cheese, and alcohol.
But I'm currently thinking of all my bad decision making last night and giving myself a time out.
I never realized how weird our shower smells until I cracked a shower beer and had a familiar aroma to compare it to.
The smoothie place is closed, but the liquor store is open and wine is kinda like a smoothie.
Do you ever go take a shit and end up sitting on the toilet for like 45 minutes wondering what the fuck you're doing with your life?
Everyday my friend, everyday.
He's a wizard, there is no other explanation for how hard I came last night. None.
Randomize
