SEE! I KNEW I HAD A LONG-TERM REASON FOR BEING A SLUT!
Single handedly the worst sex I've ever had just went down. Its like we both laid there after word-less thinking about the other " could they be any worse in bed" ?
So, i took all the condoms from his nightstand, not in the crazy ex way, but in the I paid for them way.
He told me that "my little fuckpig" was a term of endearment in Britain. I think I'm in love.
the parents are super pissed...made eye contact with the mom while going down on another girl
He literally said to me "go ahead and answer that text message while I eat you out"... Maybe I AM the relationship type...
I mean how do you tell a nurse in the ER that you dislocated your knee giving a blowjob to your boyfriend.
Very innocently.
Dude next time u fuck on our counters will u please let me know BEFORE I make lunch.
I just took a dump to end all dumps. Other dumps have already written ballads about it. It was the Armageddon dump. Bruce Willis was there, it was awful.
Halfway through he got an idea for a short story so he wrote it in magic marker on my boobs. Yeah, he's a keeper.
No if my life depended on you fingering me just let me die
if it doesnt flame it aint got game is a bad drinking motto eyebrow-wise.
eyebrows regrow, your balls dont
Please tell me those naked pics were not your mom. Lie if you have to.
I didn't want dick. I wanted spaghetti.
Yup we found her. The bouncer was carrying her out
Randomize
