we black-lighted her bedspread and it looked like a jackson pollock painting.
just friend requested my arresting officer from last night. too soon??
Now I know how you felt every time you had to listen to me have sex with a girl... mildly disguested yet marginally proud.
It's just my hair. It brings natural happiness. Like goldfish, big boobs, and milkshakes.
The best revenge is living well. Or pooping in his sunroof. Either or
people came up our fire escape and one had a cut on his leg and he was beautiful so i told him i was an emt and bandaged it with princess bandaids
Wearing the 'Let's Party' thong feels weird without you...
And then after we fucked he wouldn't stop calling me "champ". It was like I had sex with an extremely attractive soccer coach
just found out that she named her cat after me.
I made him fuck me with my coat zipped up and a unicorn mask on. That level of drunk sex. Weird and creepy yet highly satisfying.
I just slipped on ice and peed on my pea coat. There's a pun there but I'm too sad to make it
I don't know where I'm at. But I'm pretty sure what I'm looking at is a small bear.
I stopped telling people I'm a pansexual unless they ask first, really tired of explaining what that means.
I just fucked her boyfriend. Happy birthday, bitch.
He’s like Batman if Batman went down on me and gave me multiple toe curling orgasms. He left without saying a word before I pulled the pillow off my face
Find out if he’s shared his techniques with a friend and set me up with him. You know I’ve always had a thing for Robin!!!!
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