i feel rough
just turned on the light, there is blood EVERYWHERE.
isnt it creepy that our bodies make people
Threesome last night. Not that cool, you tend to pick a favorite.
good news. it is gonna rain tomorrow so now I don't have to pay to clean the puke off the side of your car.
I know this request is pointless but you two please try to keep the drinking and drug use to a minimal, I have bail money so write my number on your arm and a "if found call", wear a life jacket and act like a responsible 28 year old please.
In 30 minutes I will have been sober for an entire month. Time for a celebratory lap of cheap alcohol that leads to early liver failure.
But happy liver failure. That's what counts.
We spilled a whole bottle of mouth wash and then proceeded to roll around and make out in it. At least I smell minty fresh.
It got messy; I did a shot of seamonkeys.
Boys should be on-demand - like, once you select one, he's yours for the next 24-hours
Dude this weed smells so good they should make it into a Vicks vapor rub scent and I would rub it all over myself.
We may not see eye-to-eye on much, but I'm definitely willing to let you see eye-to-vagina again.
I am going to MURDER whoever gave him my phone number but it was probably drunk me so I'm conflicted.
he came to me for relationship advice and we ended up fucking in my backseat
I am witnessing a blind guy whip ass at beer pong
I’m gonna stop you right there. The last time you had a “brilliant” idea, I woke up to my kitchen covered in flour and a javelin through my tv.
Randomize
