Who said anything about talking that was a booty call
NEVER shave your cleavage hair.
It had been so long since my last time that it was easily a double helping of stomach pancakes. I think she was mildly impressed.
What are the odds of finding the one hot Australian dude with erecile dysfunction?
It's a self-perpetuating puke chain.
so do you, all the weight can't fall on me. I'll befriend a ball pit owner if you will befriend a drug dealer. teamwork.
On the verge of sleeping with a man who can take me to an early bird dinner and a movie with his AARP discount. YOLO
Correct me if I'm wrong, but did you let me pee in the grass while barking? And also, how many of you have videos?
Nothing says summer like lemonaid, but nothing says fuck yeah summer like lemonaid and vodkavodka
This is a mass text. I will facerape you if you bring me Fierce Melon Gatorade and 4 D batteries.
Once you share a nude experience with someone and three Norwegian guys, you're bound for life.
The only alcohol at my aunts was mikes hard so I drank 9 of them and puked in the master bath
I have to tell him to stop eating me out so I'm not late for work; my life could be a lot worse.
I mean, I'm shallow, narcissistic, and selfish, but I'm an amazing friend sometimes
A stripper set a mans ass on fire... the club smelled like burning ass and boxers.
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